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Sometimes the holidays are a haze. The oft- (but falsely) blamed tryptophan of the Thanksgiving turkey, commercial shopping blitzes and snowy, gauzy holiday commercials can obscure the clarity of the holiday season.
Right before Thanksgiving, a friend asked if I needed a place to go for a holiday meal. She said that she and her husband were “orphans,” so she was inviting other “orphans” to share in fellowship. A popular term for her gathering is “Friendsgiving.” She named several people who would be attending and it sounded like a fun group.
One of the pitfalls of always having a family holiday event is that it sometimes feels obligatory. Arguments over scheduling, food and expected travel can blur feelings of love and gratefulness toward family. As a blessed person who has always had a family to visit during the holidays (even lamenting that there are too many people to see between late November and late December), the idea of a Friendsgiving sounds a little more fun. Author Lane Moore says there is an unacknowledged privilege that comes with having a loving, supportive family who makes you feel safe. In her blog, “Let’s Stop Saying “Orphan Thanksgiving” When We Mean Friendsgiving,” she says those who suffer through the holidays often feel “like you don’t have a place in the world because your genuine, deeply felt, and often beyond painful feelings about your nontraditional family situation gets swept under the rug in favor of easier, more “normal” frustrations with otherwise wonderful families.”
Moore says those of us with loving families are “usually blissfully unaware that it’s even possible to have abusive relatives, or to have lost your parents, or been abandoned by your parents, or kicked out of your home by your parents for being LGBTQ, or to have had to make the difficult choice to run away from or stop speaking to your family because they were unsafe.”
The haze, or “bubble” as Moore puts it, can cloud our reality that so many of our friends and acquaintances face. In addition to Moore’s all-too-common list, the holiday season can also be nightmarish for anyone who has recently been divorced, lost a spouse or child, or is dealing with mental health issues. Along with a favorite side dish, we all bring our emotional baggage to the Thanksgiving table. Just entering the month of November spikes the anxiety of some, who know they probably will not have an idyllic holiday season. (You could throw Valentine’s Day to make a trifecta.) While some are enjoying a huge meal, falling asleep during a football game and reminiscing about the blessings of the year, so many people are wrapped in the stark reality of unhappiness.
Sharing fellowship with friends and acquaintances is an incredibly selfless act. It begs the question of why we don’t do this more often – have an event and invite friends and acquaintances over to share a meal. Plan it for a random day and invite someone you know who is going through a rough time or someone you don’t know well so you can get to know him or her. Create a new tradition with no expectations and no requirements, so you can focus on giving thanks for the love, friendship and new experiences that come from opening our hearts to others.
By: Melissa Hardin Baysinger
