Agreeing to Disagree

By FCS | March 15, 2016

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During this political season, the phrase “agree to disagree” seems almost impossible. Communication is not just difficult to maneuver, its overloaded status makes The Amazing Race look like a walk around the block.

So how do you maintain friendships and family relationships when you cannot agree? One easy step is to cut out a lot of the media that is flooding our senses. That’s a way to minimize the quantity of information. If you are too plugged in to make that work, try some basic communication tips to ease the tension.

Jane Collingwood, writer for PsychCentral.com, talks about the importance of communication in every relationship. She describes some common threats to communication: “threatening or unpleasant behavior such as criticism and bossiness; only hearing what we want to hear; getting bored or distracted; and not expressing our point clearly.” Does this sound like politics to you? Let’s take each threat and find a non-partisan solution:

Threatening or unpleasant behavior – It’s safe to say many recent political events have produced these threats, and it’s easy to argue about them. Examine why you react to what you see. Do you feel helpless, angry, isolated in your views? Collingwood says, “We each have our own way of dealing with conflicts – your style may be to avoid the issue, give in, or blame the other person. Being aware of your style and that of your partner will help you resolve the situation.” Putting off your discussion until after the election is one solution, but it doesn’t solve any post-election issues.

Only hearing what we want to hear – There’s the famous Albert Einstein quote: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Have you ever had a conversation with someone and it felt like it went nowhere? Maybe you are only hearing what makes you comfortable or what supports your side of the argument. Try listening in a different way. Listen to what the person is saying and not saying. Check out their body language. Are they saying what they think or what you think they are saying?

Getting bored or distracted – Tired of hearing someone drone on about their candidate? Tired of hearing a candidate use the same lines in every speech? It’s easy to dismiss someone’s view after you’ve heard it several times, but consider the importance of their words. If someone is repeating something, it must be important to them. Acknowledge that and ask questions. It will lead to other questions that can advance the conversation.

Not expressing our point clearly – When you are overwhelmed with multiple media reports on a daily basis, true political views and stances become blurred. Since most reports are interpretations of a writer or reporter, how do you know the truth? Then if you take a snippet of what you’ve heard or read and throw it out in an argument, are you really expressing your point? It’s easy to get flustered in a spat and start to confuse details and emotions. “See the other’s point of view while showing respect, and then look for a compromise that you can both accept,” Collingwood advises, “Listen carefully, give empathy and positive responses, and overlook the insults. Respond to criticism as useful information, if at all possible!”

Agreeing to disagree in a heated political season is a good practice that can be carried over to your closest relationships and coworkers…well beyond November 2016.

 

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By: Melissa Hardin Baysinger

 

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